finding comfort in food

Been a bit down today. Somewhat fragile. I got lost on the metro and felt like crying. Like a child lost in a shopping centre – all noise and chaos and people larger than life. I asked a man for help (something I’ve managed to avoid until now) and he pointed me in the right direction, which was really nice.

I went to 12eme for coffee with my new ami Stéphan. I was a bit flustered after the metro thing, so chose to speak in English. Next time we’ll speak French. He asked if I was lonely and I said “a little”, but mentioned that I’ll be going to Germany to see a friend on the weekend, and that I spent some time with Alice. But yeah, I’m lonely. He speaks English with a hardcore British accent, having learnt it while living there. He asked if I’d been listening to the radio. I said yes, all the time.

I told him about the man who criticised my accent and he consoled me.

I walked home, despite advice on a direct bus route. I didn’t trust myself to catch any buses or trains, and knew that walking was safe. It might also help me. And I think it did. My favourite thing on the way back was seeing two women having coffee and cigarettes on the kerb, with a bicycle between them being used as a table for their espresso cups and saucers.

Another favourite thing was last week when I saw a couple, guy and girl, sitting in a café window. On the window side they held hands, and in their other hands they held books. Each was separately and intently reading, yet their fingers were entwined on the table. Together, but not. It was very cute.

These are the things I seem to remember. Unlike street names.

I wanted to plug myself into my ipod on the walk home, but I didn’t have it with me. I wanted to listen to the Once soundtrack. I thought maybe I could do this in the park, while eating Algerian pastries. But then it rained.

Food seems the best measure for my current state, so I bought pastries and bread and ducked into Monoprix for another batch of groceries. This time I discovered ‘red dream’ – a drink of puréed strawberries and raspberries. It’s thick, rich, and very yum. Like a dream, in fact. I watered it down with some Perrier lime, which seems to make it more dreamlike. Now I’m eating blue cheese on pain de siegle (rye). I bought more cheese (camembert in a wooden box), more chocolate (white with apricots and pepitas), and biscuits. I bought healthy foods too, but these are my medicines for now.