i-Produce

anais nin writes: "we gave ourselves to the press".

she refers here to the printing press that she, henry and gonzalo used (and struggled with) to produce books. sometimes a day's work produced one page. it was tiresome. but it was an escape, a ritual, an achievement. it was productive.

pablo writes: "i give myself to this thesis".

he knows that this is a potentially harmful and somewhat stupid way to approach things in life, but feels it necessary to repeat this mantra, for now. he was just reading about the self-governance of neo-liberal subjects (such as he, and you) who are forever occupied with the struggle to control their life, health, sanity, practices, memories, experiences... (ie. self). he's aware that self-governance is cyclic, that it just leads to further seeking of order, control, clarity. because self-control (perhaps any control) is evasive. it cannot be had. but we still push for it, and in doing so, we produce things. we produce selves. and our selves make up the machine that works towards a more productive human existence. some of us blame the system for pushing us too hard and grinding us down. but we are the system. perhaps we're too busy (producing) to notice such things.

i want to finish my phd, i want to write excellent things, and i want to create a self (through my work) that completes me.

pablo gives himself to his thesis.