words

this morning i move slowly.

through my walking and pondering, i question my writing.

maybe it was those things that kristeva wrote about writers, writing, celine, abjection. do i write to keep a certain unity, to keep abjection at bay?

i'm planning a new project - a study of self-tourism. photo documentation of my everyday world using a perspective of wonderment. a perspective that irigaray encourages - that we may approach things around us with wonder, rather than a desire to know/understand/capture.

i was going to write about such photographs, but maybe now i won't. maybe its time to communicate without words. it seems appropriate. and challenging. written words have always been my preferred mode.

but words lack. i think about my journey to my desk today and i know they can't capture it.

they might look something like this:

missing a bus... looking at shoes... missing another bus... returning to try on the green pair... unusually warm air and too many layers of clothing... a bus ride and its soundtrack (drunken butterfly; gimme more (rauhofer remix); slave to the wage)... a guy who might be a friend of a friend... scratches on the wall... views from a window... music on asphalt... wanting things... wanting to find bathers, to swim, to have more time, to hug... wanting to read in order to build 5000 words (due monday).... asphalt... buying a ticket for halberstam... not buying a plane ticket to melbourne... not yet... an etching in the pavement says "tread carefully"... the wind carries pollen from trees - is this spring?... my desk and my brewing coffee... the boy in the ipod groans behind the divider... keyboards in the distance... they write; i write... and i doubt.

i doubt these words have any connective power if you weren't there, on this journey, as me.