thinking between skin and objects

this morning i read from paul schilder's the image and appearance of the human body. i love this book. it's somewhat scientific (medical), but deeply philisophical. not to mention erotic. reading it is an embodied experience. throughout, i am constantly reminded of the tips of my fingers that hold the book, my hands resting on my lap, my grip of the pencil with which i underline. between reading passages, i perform exercises of touch and perception that schilder refers to. feeling, or not feeling, my skin against objects. thinking about the space between skin and object. the sensations that i feel 1-2 centimetres beneath the surface of my outer skin. the erotic sensations at my bodies openings. the air in my mouth, and how deeper breaths are felt in different sections of my mouth and throat. i put the book down to twist my arms, lock my fingers, and enact the japanese illusion. i am touching the things around me, and touching my own body. i'm rubbing the crown of my head, reminded that i need to cut my hair. i am reminded of the clothes against my skin, and the sensations they allow and alter. i'm thinking of surfaces, my own and those of the objects around me, such as the bench i sit on, warmed by the sun. i'm made aware of that which lies beneath the surface of my skin - flesh, bones, tissue. yet sensations (of pain and/or pleasure) do not erupt from this raw material, but seem to belong to my phantom body. my body imagined. i'm reminded that i cannot own this. that it's so strange to believe that we can possess a sensation.