notes from underground

"I stood in the falling snow, gazing into the hazy darkness, and thought about it."

once again i try to work from home but fail. i do a couple of small jobs, clear a few emails, eat a couple of breakfasts, and then i see that he's online. brazos delgados. i say hello.

more than two hours later i'm saying that i should go. i'll return to my breakfast and my feeble attempts to work. he will return to his x-box race.

for the first time we heard each others voices and we marveled at the strangeness. of course we sound different. he has a drawl, rounded vowels, and a higher pitch than i imagined. he sounds warm. at times he's sarcastic. he's still everything i want.

it rains all day, and all my plans to leave the house don't eventuate. the cat is restless and so am i.

tonight i finish dostoyevsky's notes from underground, and wedged into my thoughts is this sentence: "Without power and tyranny over somebody I can't live".