waking up in the wrong continent

wednesday waking isn't so easy. i slept better last night, but still so tired. i didn't dream too much about study, so my stress levels must be falling.

it all started a week ago when i had a supervision meeting. seems they're still unclear where i'm at, and whether i fully understand foucault's concepts of power and governmentality.

since then i have engaged in a process of sorting. tidying up my endnote reference database, my files, and doing a stocktake on the literature surrounding me. it's only 12 months too late. and i refined my chapter outline once again. but it feels like i'm almost there. next step is some targeted reading (much easier with my database) and then some writing.

i should be writing now. i said that i would be. i think the tidying is part procrastination, yet it's really necessary.

after 2 long days at my desk i'm exhausted. but that's coupled with sleeping poorly. but i'll keep going. it feels like this is the new disciplined me, and that with a routine of being at my desk, things might happen. being in a position of only working one day per week obviously has something to do with this. yes, i finally have time. time for some planning, and not just fumbling about.

i started swimming again this week, and that feels great. on monday i pushed myself to do a kilometre. it felt like i stretched my body back into shape. it was a nice buzz.

it's been autumn with a touch of winter. the crisp air and the crunch of leaves reminds me of paris. i think i dreamt that i was there again. too much reminds me of paris. i'm obviously always looking for signs. or things don't remind me of paris - like public transport. i keep catching buses where people have phone conversations for the entire journey. this bothers me. i like quiet reading time on the bus. in france i witnessed people telling fellow passengers to wind up their phone conversations. there was a general feeling that this was impolite. and i believe that it is. it's acknowledged that people read, work or sleep on trains there. maybe if people here were more into reading, things would be different. i'm training myself to read with earphones on, so i can drown out the noise. i suspect that i just need to be in france.