today was going well

i met with Paris and broke it off. i quit my job. the one that should have been over many weeks ago. i said i haven't the energy to continue.

i was also quitting him. this, he knew. it was strange. a break up despite there being no relationship. but he inserted that element. or at least, elements of possession and need, which might be some people's version of a relationship. he wanted more than i was willing to give.

so i said the words "i'm finishing". and he knew what that meant. no kiss today, and no smiles, but i did say sorry. and i was sorry. i refused his coffee. he was morose. professional about matters, but his eyes were sad. i felt cruel. suddenly all those things i said and thought about him made me feel sick with myself and my cruelty.

the talking, consulting and laughing about this affair with friends. he may have nobody with whom to talk about this.

i tidied my files, stacked up the paperwork, and burnt a CD of everything. my desk is bare and i'm gone.