quiet office sushi

this sushi is overpriced and tastes like shit.

the office is empty today. everyone is out at an all-day strategic planning meeting. though Paris just messaged me to say he's on the bus heading here. what does this mean?

our conversations are getting more and more explicit. about fantasies and bodies and where they might fit together. but no sex. this week he bought me a book. when i question this he tells me i'm making things complicated. and this pissed me off. things are complicated. if i'm risking my employment and candidature then i think it's a valid concern. so i continue to sway in my affections. it's mostly in his company that my desire swells. but away from him i lose interest. i find myself affected by his presence, even though i know he's playing his seduction cards. but they are nice cards to be dealt.

they charge extra for wasabi. and i didn't get enough soy sauce. they probably charge for that too.

just met with supervisor (VK). got some positive reinforcement that i'm on track, that good advances have been made. i like our meetings. they mostly involve her telling me stories of friends, colleagues, events - all relating to Foucault, power, governmentality, etc. i will miss her next semester. currently feeling inspired to work on my chapter drafts so that she can praise me some more (though i can never be sure of this outcome).

i probably should act like i'm working when Paris arrives. not that he really cares. he joked that i could take forever to do this job and he wouldn't mind. because he likes me around. he likes daily contact. i wonder if his husband suspects anything. we agreed that this is an affair without fucking. lots of sly messaging and touching. it would have gone further of course, but for me being 'complicated'.

but i quite like this space. i feel i'm in quite a powerful situation. i give him enough to keep him wanting. he gives me work. and now it seems he is buying me things. like nouvelles orientales.

he's here now. probably reading my last email. time to work.