caving

i'll be moving out of my little cave in less than two months. my time and task here will be up by then. i will then move into the world in other ways, with new projects and thoughts to occupy my time. by then, winter will be nearing it's end (not that this Sydney winter is so wintery, but there's enough cold in my cave to pretend it is). walking through these dark rooms i realise i've taken few photos that capture this space/time. my dislike of endless digital capture has perhaps prevented me from capturing this space in any visual way that will contribute to my memory of this year and its moments. most of my photos are captured and displayed via Snapchat, so are collected and shared in a matter of seconds, disappearing, making space for representations of other, newer, moments. i like the temporal nature of this dialogue. it's not unlike phone conversations. so much of the content of phone conversations falls away, yet the intimacies of calling, speaking, and sharing are not lost. and perhaps Snapchat offers the same: a space of intimacy, sharing, and collective production of these moments, only to be forgotten (but the friendship is not).

i suppose my approaching departure from the cave saddens me because i know these walls to be important, shaping, and definitive of this past year. i feel sad that after august i will not have these walls, this key, this place in which to hide and write and think and obsess over current pursuits. this is my room, the one Virginia Woolf says we all need. of course there'll be other rooms, but this one, right now, offers protection and assurance. the thought of forever leaving the cave is frightening. i don't want to forget the cave. and i guess i should have written about it more, as this is typically how i remember. but this year my mind is crowded with other things. this year is about finishing this year and so there's little desire to stop and take photos, until now, when i start to feel myself sliding out of this chapter and its defining space.