i'm quite obsessed with Anna Calvi's album. i wake up too early, i put it on, it reminds me that everything's okay.
as much as i fall for particular music, i never play it every day as i do with Calvi. teenage once more. obsessing in my room. listening through headphones where i can play it loud. feeling like these songs are mine.
i share my obsession with Z, so he's in my thoughts this morning as i play the music. i think about messaging him, but my phone is in the next room. i think about holding him and how it's been a few days now. i would really like to hold him. but for now i have Calvi, and i guess i need this more.
at the moment Z loves Suzanne and I. for me it's Blackout. in silly text messages we express our love for Calvi songs. Or sometimes it's No More Words. it's the way she says "all... my... love" again and again, with each time different. he points out how her voice almost gives way during this song, that it's quite a raw recording. now, each time i hear her voice falter, i flinch and crackle. i feel it.
i love how restrained she is. she gets loud and soars on a note or a chorus only to pull things back to a whisper. or she becomes elvis, singing down and low. and the music is often sparse. except in Blackout, because by the 7th song it feels right to quicken the pace and give a harmonious, pulsing, scream. but not too loud. again, restraint. and so i'm left wanting more. i'm always wanting more. the last song - Love Won't Be Leaving - seems too appropriate.
Z and I... like Suzanne and I, "we hold... hold... hold it down..."
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