hunger

regaining my appetite was a beautiful thing. it was difficult to find myself hating food and vomiting anything that i ingested. this was last week. the smell and sight and thought of food had me reaching for the red bucket. the head pain was also unpleasant. but there's something about nausea that just isn't me.

since eating again i eat more. i have insatiable hunger. i enjoy the taste of (almost) everything and once tasted i want more. i eat and eat and when i finish eating i think about what i might eat next.

my belly has returned. some people don't think i have a belly, but i do. it's big, round and happy. it's more enormous than it looks. it's satisfactorily full of vegies and tofu and cake and biscuits and chocolate.

i'm late-busy but not worried any more. i'm marking essays. i'm having late night muscle-relaxant baths. i'm in bed listening to beirut. i return to my doctor tomorrow. blood tests.

this time next week i'll be in another bed, another state, and looking after another cat. i'll probably still listen to beirut. i'll probably still eat like there's no tomorrow.

in last night's dream i bought ham from a deli. i felt compelled to purchase meat. after doing so, i didn't know what to do. i knew i couldn't eat it. the man refused to give me a bag for this strange looking ham and so i'm standing, perplexed, looking at it in my hands. it cost $35 but there's no way i'm eating it. i was annoyed that i couldn't have a bag and was left carrying this chunk of inedible flesh. also last night, j dreamt that i ate chicken. eating it off the bone, i didn't realise it was chicken.

my hunger invades the sleeping thoughts of my housemate. my hunger knows no bounds.