because i can't read the time

i was meant to fly out this morning, not tonight. there i am scrubbing the shower, making breakfast, chatting online, packing bags, deliberating over what goes where, thinking about my back and how much it can carry. and it turns out that my plane is already in the sky. my seat empty. or maybe not. maybe it was given to someone desperate to get somewhere.

i'll fly to singapore tomorrow morning, where i must wait (nobody knows how long) for a seat to become free. hopefully someone else can't read their itinerary. i want home.

i'm lying on a hotel bed. i could've stayed in the apartment another night but i'd washed linen, scrubbed it clean, had already made it no longer mine. this feels a better place to experience my limbo. crunchy white sheets, ugly pictures on the wall. all i can do here is shut my eyes and sleep.

on my way here, at métro jaurés, i'm at the foot of the stairs adjusting my bags when a stranger picks up my suitcase and carries it upstairs alongside me, effortlessly and without words. i thank him. twice. since this moment i know that my day isn't so bad. i have money, a bed, a flight (one at least), a home to return to, and my current situation exposes me to the kindness of strangers.

and this is why i'll continue to travel. because small gestures, such moments as these, take on new proportions and become magnificent. such moments rarely exist at home where i can simply say thanks and return to my daily patterns and my angst. at home i could thank someone for helping me without really meaning it. but today i wanted to hug this man or fall at his feet. because away from home these small moments are grand. so are other minor experiences like the taste of food, a stroll by the canal, an overheard conversation... and because such things make me forget how dissatisfied i am with the world, i can only welcome them. it takes being away (being a stranger) to be able to see this beauty. or maybe one has to be feeling lost, uncomfortable and alone (ie. strange) in order to experience these small gestures as life affirming. kind of like falling in love, which is only amazing because (like unconditional kindness) you'd forgotten that it existed, or that it was available to you.

i hope someone did take my seat on that flight. i hope they're feeling happy from red wine, in-flight entertainment, and the promise of arriving somewhere soon.