last night's sleep is restless and pain wakes me throughout the night. my head is in a vice. a throbbing hold on my the left side of my jaw. my left. today i'm a sleep-deprived zombie, still experiencing pain. it comes and goes. right now it's alseep, dormant, but likely to return. it visits unexpectedly, inconveniently, like when i'm teaching.
it's been visiting for some months, but its visits are more frequent and intense now. i visited my dentist and he thinks it might be this.
i'm now in that limbo zone of 'almost diagnosed'. i read myself into the lists of symptoms and pain experiences that the internet offers. a different kind of research today. but not that different - i'm still looking for texts, links, and grappling for some sort of coherence. i learn that it's most common in women over 50. that's not me, so maybe i'm safe. but there are exceptions. until tuesday, i'll keep reading.
elsewhere, i sneeze from hayfever, my eyes itch, and my nose infrequently drips.
elsewhere, in today's swim, three boys invade my lane. i want to say "spread yourselves out, there are other lanes". but you can't talk when your face is underwater. a few laps in and it seems okay. a rhythmic pace. until i collide. my hands hit flesh near the shallow end, sending a shock wave through my body that cripples my lower legs. if i was in a comic book my feet would be closer to my knees, legs like a closed accordion. i can no longer kick. i take a break and slowly stretch to ease the pain.
i ache and limp and drip. today my body is falling apart. but still, at least i have my health.
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